This should be the first time I am officially ranting on this blog or rather writing something that isn’t a story. But like the Holy Book says, there is a time for everything. It is not news that sex, or anything that involves sex, sells. Even if you don’t believe it, one strong proof is that you are here reading this blog post. I don’t know how it is you received the Link for this post. Whether your village people ministered it to you in your dreams, or you saw it on someone’s PM or on twitter or even Facebook and decided to click it, we all know that if this post was titled, “LOOK HERE AND SEE AN IMPORTANT GOSPEL MESSAGE” 90% of you would not have opened it. That said, you are already here so no need to close the link in penance for your actions. After all Francis Duru said in Rattlesnake part 2 that whatever is worth doing is worth doing well.

I would like to thank Dr. Azoh a.k.a Bro. UG who is the primary inspiration behind today’s rant. I must make it clear, that he isn’t a friend whom I have met; neither can I confirm what kind of Dr. he is, whether medical, traditional, spiritual or even metaphysical. But this kind Dr. as I would want to believe he is, never fails to send the below e-mail to me twice everyday. Morning and Evening.



I put up this picture on my BBM DP this morning, to complain about this new method my Village people were using to pursue me and bam! Come and see gist from my wonderful contacts. I shall share with you the varying reactions I got from them but let us just spare a minute to analyze the above E-mail from my point of view.

First of all (do not go down low), just notice how both messages start with “Hello Dear”.(e pained me aswearigod, who is his dear eh bikonu). This, I want to assume is a way of saying “My guy” “Fam” “My personal person” azzin it is meant to show that he, Dr. Azoh, is nothing but a friend concerned about the size of your penis and has come to help you.

The Second line, abides by a standard rule of letter writing-Greeting. The part that touched me deeply is “hope you are doing good, JUST LIKE ME.” GHEN GHEN. This is just a master stroke. I mean, how can you market a product when you are not doing good. How can you sell cough medicine if you are having cough, hence I’m sure DR. Azoh, my good friend, wherever he is, implies that this good news he has brought,has ensured that he is always doing good and if you want to be like him, you need to listen carefully.

After greeting, what is the next thing in a well written letter? If you guessed “The Body”, then you parents did not waste their school fees money. See let me tell you. The subject of a letter, (which in this case is aptly titled “how to make your penis bigger, thicker and stronger with OPEN NOW put in bracket, to ensure you do not shove it aside,) might give a hint of what you want to talk about, but you see the body eh, is where you pour out the deep things in your heart and he goes on to do just this. He says “if you are a strong man and don’t have big penis to satisfy your woman”. My brothers and sisters, Let us stop here for a moment and understand this Line. Just close your eyes, take a minute and just reflect on these words. Even if it means turning off the lights in your room and adopting yoga position, my brother or sister do it.Because man hath not revealed this thing to the Doc. In essence, what he is trying to say if i understand well, is that you can be a strong man, you can have big chest and 20 packs. You can break okada into two with just breeze from your mouth. You can bend iron with your bare hands like SuperMike in ajegunle, but if you do not have a BIG penis to satisfy your woman, you need to be afraid, perturbed, unhappy because you will soon notice something.
I honestly do not know whether if you are weak man without big penis you will notice the same thing. But it is safe to deduce that if a strong man without big kini will notice something then my friend who art thou not to notice the same thing. In fact I want to suggest, that if you are a weak man and you are not noticing what he says will happen, then your village people are at it again and you need to attend one of our topic-specific Nigerian crusades with the title “LORD DO NOT ALLOW MY ENEMIES MAKE ME NOT TO NOTICE SOMETHING” (somebody scream halleluyah!, ummmm the spirit is moving)

The next part is the revelation. This is where you need to play a slow titanic music in your head. This is the part where the babe the actor has suffered for all through the film has been shot and he is watching the life leave her eyes. This is the part where the breeze blew and the fowl’s annal cavity was revealed to the sons of men.

The Doc. says that you will NOTICE that the woman you ADORE, the woman you magnify, the woman you praise, the woman you glorify, the woman you lift her name up high not just a little oh! But VERY MUCH will be cheating on you. LOBATAN!.To round it off he says to you “Don’t let this happen to you, get your own BIG,STRONG AND THICK PENIS. QED.

The funny thing is that this e-mail summarizes why girls cheat on their man. It boils it down, narrows it down, simplifies it to two words BIG PENIS. Pere!. The simple question now is: How true is this? Is this the point where we shout EUREKA for Doc’s amazing discovery?. I put this up as my DP obviously to complain about why I was getting such an email and to verify if this was the truth and my people eh! No kind response wey I no see this morning.

First there were the people who were happy they were not the only ones receiving this email. They had been feeling bad and were wondering how the doc knew they didn’t have big kini and were happy to have kindred spirit. Somebody pinged me like “Uncle Stephen, u too? You receive this email? Have you called their number. I have ordered my own o and I hope it works. I thought it was only me they were sending this message”. Honestly I didn’t know if to start convincing the young man that I wasn’t FAM, once it came to this matter or to go naked and swear for him for thinking I would order the product. Then there were the guys who came with their own story of how babes left them because their whatever wasn’t touching their medulla Oblongata. I was thinking the thing was story and that size doesn’t matter until voom the female pings started entering. Somebody say Blood of Goodluck Jonathan. My people, I can now see why DR. Azoh is in business because the things this girls want eh! If na the way dem dey describe then you will notice them cheating like the Doc said. One said “ah! He must be very big and very thick and very long (only one person o!) I need to feel as if I am flying and suspended in outer space” In my mind I was like is superman that this one wants azzin Clark Kent. You want to be suspended mid-air weyrey!

Somebody even sent me a link to an article online talking about this same penis size topic and my people I just kept pleading the blood of GEJ as I read through. The prior article to that has just 10 comments but as e enter kini matter come and see 130 comments almost 100 of them female. You’ll see things like “who needs somebody with cigar to come and be touching me. God forbid. My man has to be very big azzin I need to feel like izz a sword that is piercing through me entire being” or “doing it with my current boyfriend is just there because it isn’t big and it makes me remember my ex. With his soldier. I always felt it was snake in the monkey shadow and whenever we were done I couldn’t even remember my name or surname or even where I was. I couldn’t stop going back for more. I miss him and wish I could take it one more time”

I was like


Obviously women take these things seriously and that is why there are thousands like my Doc. friend out there trying to make sure that you don’t lose the one you adore. I been think so no be about size but say na HOW well. But the kind of things am reading and these women of nowadays eh! Only God can help us. But on the other hand is good for all you men out there. shebi na una dey make dem wear butt pad and padded bra because una want oganigwe. Its only fair that they demand for sword-like penis that can pierce their being, suspend them in mid-air, do them like snake in the monkey shadow whilst causing amnesia and making them want to take transport to wherever you are because like they said in that song, “charlie she wants more”.

So for my guys out there please contact DR. Azoh so she doesn’t leave you like he has prophesied. And for my women out there how big is big exactly bikonu I want to hear una voice before somebody no go fit wear trouser again because e dey try satisfy una.

And as for DR. Azoh please I beg you in the name of whoever you serve. I have spread your message to a wider audience please stop sending me the e-mails please because I am strong and I can satisfy my woman because I have a Big …… nevermind…..

I welcome all comments as usual. I usually write hilarious stories which can be found here All stories

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Uncle Stephen



50 thoughts on “DOES PENIS SIZE MATTER?

  1. Finally…..when u give them “Anaconda in the monkey shadow”, why do they still leave.
    Just wondering though….cos I carry a 7.2″ x 4″ device (length x diameter), still she left….well I say good riddance…she no go kill me Biko.

  2. Lwkmd. Uncle stephen u wee not kill me aswear..lmao. Buh joke apart sha, Big n strong is usual beta. Final answer!

  3. Hahahaha! I have read every of ur story,but on this,i have to leave a comment. I get the same mails everyday and really, it is absolutely ANNOYING! Dr Azoh or whatever his name is should sha not kill these foolish guys who would go&use his prescribed God-knows-what! It’s not about size biko! Thumbs up uncle Steve! *wink*

  4. Personally, I don’t think all girls like the Big D. I would say 80% of them like it big cos according to them ‘they want to be filled and feel like there is something there,and it mkes the action mre intense and mind blowing’. For me I don’t like Big D, it scares d shit out of me, big or small if I like u enuf 2 dig it with u and u knw what u doing..,we good. Saying doesn’t matter if its big or small doesn’t mean u shud bring ur lil pinky close to me cos c’mon now let’s face it ,its gonna feel like having sex with a baby. So am gonna say medium, and I think the other 20% of girls will agree wit me on this 😉

  5. I just read this and laughed so hard! One of the high points of my day! They say big is always better, I no know o na wetin “dem” talk be dat *adjusts halo* hehehehehe

  6. Personally, I think not all girls like it Big, Strong n Reliable. Most of us girls just like it Strong and reliable, or simply reliable. I would say out of a 100, only 80 like it extremely big and strong,why?..cos they feel the bigger the beta, like u watching an action movie in me I would say big doesn’t rly matter cos big is gonna scare d shit out of me,*just saying cos I wouldn’t knw wht big looks like..smiles innocently*medium is more like it. And when I say big doesn’t rly matter I don’t mean u shud approach some1 wit smethng like ur lil finger cos c’mon nw tht will just feel lyk having sex wit a baby. Big or small, if u got d action n knw wht u doing..then we good 😀 I think the other 20% will agree wit me on this 😉

  7. Well well from my own point of view and personal experience the bigger the better, I no want no tooth prick dick nigga, its not fun….the guy gotta package well and one oda thing he must not just have the BIG D.. without energy or might then its just for show…if you work your woman well, if she cheats after then her village people have hands in her issue.

  8. My name is Atinukemi and this is my comment.

    There are reasons why a huge D is preferred.

    The number 1 thing about it being big is that during sex, d lady feels d D in her tummy….just below her navel. It is a pleasant feeling…I know!

    The number 2 is that after sex, some ladies like to feel numb down there. Le huge D does that to you effortlessly.

    Some ladies however do not like stress and can’t bear too much pain so they opt for a medium sized D

  9. I agree Ooooh.

    I did some good jobs that made some of her friends cum over…she still calls for some sha, but….she left…maybe cos it was too much to handle everytime…….

    I really don’t get women.

  10. Penis size is one big delicate matter. Studies have shown that about 80percent of men are insecure about their penis size. Ironically, only about 30percent of girls complain that their boyfriends’ penis is too small. Anyhow your dick be sha, whether e big like my own (Halleluyah somebody :D) or e small like Stephen own (of course I never see am before, i’m not gay. I just suspect it is), you must realise 3 things. Number one be say your dick is bigger than you see it. You know things appear smaller when you’re looking from up right? So next time you get a boner, try looking at the mirror, from the side view. It’ll look a Lil bit bigger, and probably make u feel better. Number 2 is that, NOTHING, I repeat, Nothing will make your penis bigger so stop trying. This Dr. Azoh and other people who go about selling fake penis enlargement products know how insecure men are about their dick size. Na this insecurity them dey exploit, dey chop ur small money. There are products that can make it stronger, by increasing the quality of your erection, but not to make your penis bigger. So why keep worrying yourself about something u can’t change? Love your penis boy, or nobody will. Number 3 be say, whether your penis big abi small, it’s more important to last long. A 4incher that fucks for more than 20mins is better than an 8incher that cums under 20seconds. So worry more about how you’ll last long than how big your penis is. You can change how long u last, but u can’t change how the size of ur penis. Stevo, you suppose pay me for this knowledge wey I don share o

    • Nice. U are soooooo they say,It’s not d Size of d Dog in d fight, but d Size of the Fight in d Dog… Every D has it’s pu**y size, So if u have a small ‘D’ go for a tight ‘P’

    • SHahahahahaha…lwkm4h I Stephen u don see ur handwork abi?..kai I just d laugh, see D debate na..ppl just d analyse D like pros..hahaha..boys re not smiling oo. Fizie I agree wit u 100 percent jor,its not d size tht matters its how u can deliver..lmao @small like Uncle Stephen own..that’s so gay.,Stephen don let him get away wit tht oo else u go just fall ur hand destroy ur reputation finish..lwkmd

    • u nailed it jare bro! quality over quantity for me anyday. so guys relax, u dont need elephantiasis of the dick to be a strong man! lol

  11. Well i got a big one and i get compliments from gals. that has tasted it,any gal feels like trying out 2B1A1892,,waiting to give u big,skills and energy…..scope is the name and am out

    • If all of una for here carry the Big D, who come carry the small ones na. I just dey ask o cos e dey like say una don refuse to ask dz particular qstn so I don ask am mke una dey ansa nw oo…Man up and don’t be shy. Speak the truth and it shall set you free:D

    • Lol….Scope abi ‘microscope’ , stop fronting jare. if u rily had a big D as u claim, u wont need to advertise ur bb pin to catch babes here.

  12. Ahem! Bros Steve and Onku Dr warrefa, is not by size o!!! Iz nor d equipment dt matters, but nwanne ijikwa skills? “Some have big preeq bet cannor fack, some can fack bt have smo – medium preeq. If u have preeq and u can fack, glory be to jah Jehova”. If u r ead this in Wande Coal’s voice, then ur case dey amadioha shrine.

    Well, my point is, it’s not about size alone, but it doesn’t mean a brother has to have a tiny kini. I once dated this guy. Adonis would hide in shame around him but ze kini was a disappointment *weeps at the memory*. He didn’t even have skills on top. So, point is, medium is good enough, bet if ur big, awesome! #Dassall

  13. 4 me, I lke it moderate.dt will do cs a vry big,lng one is goin 2 scare d hell out of advice 2 dose guys who wud wnt 2 try dr. azoh’s medicine pls b kiaful#straightface

  14. As if na only me carry da small D 4 here. Base on wan chick Testmony wey vex package herslf 4 revenge say hw my small D go mak her faint

  15. Uncle Stephen my good friend…nice one. this issue has raised alotta controversies. I think e’rry man should learn how to use wateva size of machinery you have and also learn how to maximise it’s potentials. When this is done, I think every guy will find his ‘blue ocean’ (that thing that makes ur woman always come back) whether ur Dick is big or not.

  16. I can’t say if mine is small, medium, big or extra large, but d most important thing in dis biz is how long u can last and d tactics applied. For d guys if u do ur job wella believe me somedays u will lock urself indoor all day and switch off ur phone just to start holy for one day. Even ur EX dat were married will come begging for u to give them one mouth, but know thyself as to know where ur problems are coming from if it is from ur village people or…

  17. I can’t help but notice majority of we young people are obsessed with this issue of ‘d’ size! I honestly think it aint how far but how well.. He could own a monster truck yet, drive like a frigging learner! What good will that do you sisters.. My man’s gotta be aii though 🙂 just saying 😀 *tears race* (´?`??)

  18. As a Geologist, it’s important to have at least a moderate drilling bit (d**k)bcos small drilling bit usually experience a lot of annular spaces and this will reduce skin friction when drilling,thereby making well-logging difficult(skin to skin contact with the walls of the p**sy). But the problem most times is really not the drilling bit ( d**k) but the formation itself( that is the p*ssy). Some formation are so porus that they make even big drilling bit negligible. In this case one need to apply directional drilling so as to have a contact with the walls of the formation. In conclusion, if ur drilling bit is small it’s good u look for a lithified formation (tight p**sy)or better still u can drill in tangential angle to the walls of the formation ( walls of the p**sy). Sorry I forgot to tell you guys that I work with Dr.Azoh and 4 the past 3 years we’ve been helping people overcome the embarrassment of small drilling bit. We hope u guys will patronize us. LOL. Nice one Uncle Stephen.

  19. Hahaha…It’s uncle Stephen again!!! I think huge is scary.. U myt get ‘filled’ but I keep imagining mass destruction of the organs as well. So, imho i’ll say medium is berra. Except in cases wer d acceptee is a wide botttomless pit.. den massive shld do d trick. I also think mastery of d instrument is mre important dan size… 😀

  20. First let me say thank you to my minister from my village for leading me to your post Uncle Stephen 🙂 Now on to the post and funny comments that followed. The girl that said if it’s too small it would feel like sex with a baby had me on the floor in tears. I think women are not concerned so much about the size of the boat, but more about how long the boat can stay in the ocean. Am I right ladies?

  21. Omo see analysis!!!!! We really have some “Masters in the D game” in this place. And as a ‘JJC’ I must say, Uncle Stephen, I thank my village people for bringing me here, cuz I’ve gone thru all the stories and i cant stop laughing……. Onto the D matter, Its always not about quantity, its about quality……… my two cents

  22. Ohhkayyy i jus had to comment. I have always been of the opinion that it’s not size but how well. But recent turn of events have confused me. I once had a friend that i eventually shagged and that day when i open trouser i was shocked to find a whole 9-inches!! My first thought was “how is dis gonna enta?!!” i was freaked out. But then it eventually did. D friction was heavenly. And barely 4thrusts and 2minutes into d exercise i came. Worse still i came in a position that i was never used to coming. Nw i had ds oda guy later. That i was trying to like. And i notice he had a carrot and d like started to dwindke instead of increase. Wen things ended in both cases i felt d loss of d first guy like a thousand times more. Truth be told. I go like marry dat 9-inch size mbok. Waking up to that everyday fr d rest of my life would be heavenly! Someone said in their comment that a cigarsized guy should look fr a tight p***y. Na lie o. Weda tight or not cigar na cigar full stop. U cnt blame it on d p. I know God created the cigar, carrot and bamboo. But nna bamboo is my prayer point o. Else i fit manage medium. Anytin worth doin is worth doing well. If i want my walls scratched i want them thoroughly scratched.