Funny enough, I actually did not think much before titling this work and now that I look at it, I realise that the word “first” seems to indicate that I have been heartbroken more than once right?

Well, that’s true. ..LOL…I’m laughing about it now. But back then it wasn’t funny at all…

This story is for those out there, who sort of flip out and do weird things when they get that call or sms or get told physically….. I advice you learn from my story.

… Well well, she was the love of my life (titanic soundtrack plays in background).

You know all those first love things na, plus mine started way back in secondary school…early, fresh, new and “mumu” love… Whenever I think about some of those things I did back then,there’s this loud voice in my head that just shouts “mumu” with this deep ibo accent….(weird)

…but that is not to say given the chance, I would not do those things over and over again.

I remember clearly then,
A simple hug o….just hug from her and I stayed awake most nights dreamily imagining plenty.

Just in time,GSM just came around,so see me on constant covert operations aided at times by my younger ones on a mission to steal my mum’s phone and make a call to her own mum’s phone, usually at a predefined time preferably 9pm when all parents watch news…

All of these just to hear her voice and the amazing “I love you” before I go to sleep, all my body becomes supercharged and I have happy dreams.

I wake up next morning feeling all
Glory Glory Glory………

(hope the titanic song has not stopped playing in your head? Please restart if it has. Thanks)

As I was saying…

When school dismisses, I first escort her to her own house…far far away from mine (for d records)…and then head back ALONE to my own house but nevertheless walking joyfully and being propelled by the warmth of the hug I received and gave.

Then Imagine the day we both had our first kiss…Choi !!!!

First time for the both of us


please people….

Two minutes silence for this part

I need to bask in the ambience of that moment… I haff no idea what am saying…

(close your eyes please….it means that much to me)


I went home that day and was doing with delight, to my mothers unbelief,
chores that I deeply hated on a normal day…and as many of you have guessed already….


Thumbs up if u guessed correctly….

Then came the admission… I got into the university before her since she was a class set behind me(for those wey no sabi english,when I dey SS3 she dey SS2)

And it all continued…
Me in school, she @ home



and lest I forget, in the time all of these was happenings, I discovered I had an innate ability to write poems. Words poured with the ease of calm flowing rivers whenever I picked up a pen to write to her.

And the deliveries where usually done by my youngest brother who did not know the contents… Now he’s much older he should know. That is if he is not even doing something similar now.

Children of these days….

It was a pure relationship. Just love and feelings, no sex. Within me I was already cultivating dreams of the future within the fertile lands the love had tilled in my heart.

And then, say “GEN GEN !”.

Say it please, this is the action part (change d titanic to something action now)

After almost 5yrs of pure bliss, things just started changing….and e no even tey sef…(lmao….see pidgin)

My sack LETTER came via SMS …..(Epic) and of course the sms ended the way it usually does… with the usual about ‘being just friends’…u know that line right?…. I thought as much… obviously have been heartbroken too aint it? ….LWKMD4H

This is where the MORAL of the story kicks in:


I was strong

I just moved on

No tears………..

just me being military and going to parties and hooking up new chicks

PS: disregard the above….my system was hacked into as I was writing……

MEHN!!! I cried……(LMAO)

You know that thing where they say the earth rotates and it seems like sci-fi to us right? Well,it started happening to me….cos everything around me was in constant rotatory motion and to control myself, I did something rily epic…


I just started walking…

walking and walking…

Kept on walking…

to no destination in particular

I just know, that ibo loud voice came then.. and said “walk”

and like our father Abraham I obeyed and kept walking

just walking

with reckless abandon

sending nobody

Fearing nothing

I walked on and on……

and am sure that dude called johnny walker must have done something synonymous to earn that name

Cos I truly deserved it for my act…

When I stopped,( cos the ibo voice was gone) and I was back to my senses…..

Picture this…
You know when you walk from festac to okoko

or Festac to the island…

I had covered equal if not greater distance.I had been walking for close to 4hrs!!! and am not saying this to spice up the story (serious face)

That is my gist….

So whenever this happens to you…adopt my strategy and walk,I advice… lol

but please do not be like a friend I had in first year who had something similar
and almost jumped into otammiri ( a river in my school) “dat one no follow at all !!!”

So boy or girl

when heartbreak comes,

just keep walking…

but please…

try and have transport money so you can bike back or something. Cos if you walk to and fro,that girl/guy is surely mincemeat when you return….

Hope you enjoyed this story….

To get more of ma posts as i drop them subscribe via email there’s a section for that on the blog…Thanks

Now as regards my heartbreak story
you can now comment by clicking on the comment icon at the beginning of the post and call me names if you want……LOL
am all yours….

click here for more stories

Thanks and God bless
your favourite,
uncle Stephen
bbm; 561EBDA8
twitter; @itsunclestephen

56 thoughts on “MY FIRST HEARTBREAK…..LOL

  1. Lol! Dat explains y evry1 tot u were goin 2 walk all d way home d day we hid ur fone from you. Nice one dear. Weldone. Hope 2 write like u someday. No jokes.

  2. Lol! Funniest blog I've read in a while… You captured a lot in this post, emotion, humour, scenery and all. Can't wait for the next one.

  3. Stevo nice one tho…..what if u were hit by a bicycle or "okada" while taking dat careless walk, the babe won't visit u o bcos u won't die….cars can't hit pple on dat kind of ur journey…

  4. .cool story bro…seriously, very cool story cos i was laughing all the way, stuff like this always happened to me too…

  5. So stevo na wetin hapen be dis . But u told me u dump d babe! boyzzz !! Funny enough am commentin frm monkey village jst opposite her house. Nice one boss

  6. Nice story but needs a work as its a bit scattered in my opinion…anyway see why money is good? Imagine driving an crying in your X6 you wouldn't even mind the girl lool

  7. Nt to deter frm d whole comments of well done oh but what's d moral of d story?
    The first post always decides d direction of the blog n I dnt get it sha!!!

    • The moral of the story is:
      Hold ya sef when e happen. cos it's no respecter of age or weight or level of education.

  8. Good stuff bro…like katty said we tot u were gonna walk home d day your fone was hidden…guess dat rilly works 4 u…meanwile have u ever told her(d heartbreaker)dis story???

  9. Nice, really nice………. Lmao at all ur add-ons though……. Would a preferred if they were in bracket or quotes though. Keep the ink flowing bro.

  10. Stevoooo…
    Neva knew u had flair for pen & paper. Nice one. Luv d element of sincerity and humour irrespective of d pain.

  11. ?o?! This is fresh, fresh fresh! You seem to draw the reader in from the first line , slowly going down memory lane and giving us a sense of anticipation of what happens next; u are free and do not seem to want to impress us with big language as most writers would; I commend the humour and down to earthness. Really nice n refreshing to read; howver; there seem to be an abruptness later on, almost like u left one of two details out*wink* and the ending just comes almost too soon. Perharps in ur next write up; you take it with d same pace u started or end in an even higher one and not flat. This is a very good write up stepvo. Keep it up. Av already subscribed! Mwah.

  12. lol..@ chisky…always a critique. Anyway u better get it oooo! or didn't u see the headline or the introductions about wat this blog is about. @ stevo…this is a paradigm to Don moj's "relationships all in my head" Nice write up shaa!!

  13. Very nice like Very very nice,Entertaining,down to earth,cool and ended with a very good moral me likey,so m jz gon chill for d Next Post….Winks****

  14. Stevoooooo……..hahahahahahahhaha! Can c y u n moj r fweendz!!!!u guys shld berra form d hrtbroken club……awwwwww……. D story iz sooooo touchn……wia was uncle slim wen all diz was hapnin!!!!!! Hahahahhahahahahaha….am seriously LMAO….chai @ ibo accent *mumu*……..

  15. good story stephen, buh y did u ve to stop walking? according to the story, it was ur !st heartbreak, did u walk on ur subsequent heartbreaks?

  16. STEVO!!!(Na nw e agree load) Dis story was very well told,in simple, understandable,clear English… D average teenager… Tush or razz,shud b able ??? relate to dis… I personally loved it… Bt M????????? bt is dis,jst wen i was gettin engroSsed,d end came! I feel if der was strenght frm d chase part til wen u all started gettin "mushy",der shud be stress on d heartbrk(since its d reason 4 d story in d first place)…simply put, ???? genesis was great,bt ???? lamentations and revelation crash lAnded… All in all… Dis is a buriful sontin! Kudos ??? u..u do it well

  17. Nice try…call that one the mumu's heartbreak. I'm sure it must have hurt…I wouldn't know, I've never been there ..#iceBoxWhereMyHeartUsedToBeThings…its all good though, I'm sure it made u a "better man"…at least with the ladies.
    Good write up, keep it up.

    P.S. Pls check out mine and leave a comment:

  18. Stevo…yu r gud…nyc one bro…but d truth be say na doz kind love wey dey make us strong…as eminem would say.."No no you can't kill me..your onli gon make mi stronga…"
    Keep it up man…i love yur jokes

  19. Chai stevo, lmfao!!!!!! Gud write up my guy. U?????r story is touchin n tank God U????? dint commit suicide Abeg where U????? trek reach? ???

  20. lwkmd4h…dats interesting and so natural….if nobody goes through hat first luv euphoria…then you havent loved. I noticed you are ibo and then you stay in lagos and schooled at futo

  21. errybdy is saying it n m goin to sai it agen ds is lovely,ts emotional..tot twas only gurls dt go thru ds emotional tingy tho,vry funny,i luv d part yu sed we shld jst keep wlking,made a whole lotta sense..wnt to b lyk yu wen i grow up lyk criously!!al d best tho..Gods grace

  22. I didn't feel tired while reading. At every point i wanted 2know the next line of action. This is not jst nice but interresting. Kip it up Uncle Stevo!

  23. hahahahaha,lwkmd u see ur life?chai 4 u.aniway keep dis story 4 ur son o,cos walkin in lag recklessly is nt adviced o.
    on a second tot who be d gal sef,i wan knw.

  24. Ýa fada. I go tell ýa mama wetin ù use her credit do. No wonder, she dey accuse popsy unto credit theft, lol

  25. Lol. I loved the 'pure relationship just love and feelings, no sex' part. It doesn't exist anymore and for ppl like me who abstained from dating when it cud have been just love and feelings thinking I'd date who I can marry (yimu…. 'Gawkment of life' ) I've been served the text ending with can we be friends too lol. Saw it coming anyway so I just laughed. I guess I spent all the pain being in the relationship so there wasn't any/ much pain afterwards… Good write up. Pls keep it up.