BABA TEE

Una sef!!!!
Una Like story!!!
Na wa o
Dis officially is my 10th story..
Thanks for d support so far…

Lemme bring y’all a little to the present
So ama tell u a story dat happened
Not too long ago…

It all began in uhm!
I think 1959
Ya 1959
A year before our independence….
I was in Lagos, d den capital, with the white colonial masters
Together wit nnamdi and my guy tafawa balewa
Cool dudes too sha
Wen I realised
Dat I should probably stop goofin around
And tell d story…..

Here it is
I had spent 3weeks in d nysc camp…
Grooved my life out
Met some cool chicks there
Set some serious P….
Inshort…
It was d Best 3weeks of my life.

Not the mornings anyway
Those times were annoying…
Wit soldiers coming to wake us up to march
What d heck mein….
If I wanted to learn to march
Y would I come here
So I just endured till evening
Went to “mammy” grooved,set more p
Till d soldiers came as usual to kill our Joy
By 10:30pm with their sharp sounding beagle.

If ur familiar wit d scheme
Afta u must have spent all d money u came to camp wit,
Close to the end,
They butter ur bread by paying u 19800
Which if you are not careful
U finish in camp…..

I collected mine….
Luckily Got posted to abeokuta…
City baby!!! Woohoo!!!!
Not like some of ma guys who were taken to
Ijebu waterside which every1 dreaded.
Check out d combination of ijebu and waterside na,
Dats Enuff to put fear in you…

Or some dat were taken to a place called ipokia(sounds far shey?) And it is… cos its close to seme-border
And all na still ogun state o.

We got to the town,
Walked around looking for where we were posted to.
Got swindled by bike men since we were jjc’s
Got rejected by the places we were posted to
Searched and searched around d town fór new places to work.
All these waka about na inside d 19800 we take dey pay for am o
But somehow we kept up d struggle alive,
While staying in the less dan conducive corpers lodge, waiting patiently, for the end of d month.

Life was not easy mein!!!
Cos all d previous sources of income u use as a student,
Automatically stops wen u start serving.
All those lies we tell just stops working.
Real life hits u hard…
So u just had to adjust and survive.

End of month come reach at last…
Omo mein…

NO PAY FOR US!!!

My Lord!!!….
We could not believe it
Why na?
Why?
Govt came on tv and spoke their english dat dey were “cash strapped”
Pure Fuckery mein…..

Life became tougher…
More garri and fish
On credit for dat matter
Afta a while it became just garri
After a while again…
It became just water
And den you imagine
D water contains garri and dis very tasty fish..
Feeding on that thought
And drinking d water
Fills you
Trust me it works
U can try it one of these days..

Lol just kidding

It ended @ garri no sugar
Cos d fish woman ran outta patience for us
As our debts were accumulating.

At last towards the end of the second month
Text messages started entering phones

**pimpim pimpim**

The money had come….

This is where I introduce the actor of this story
Taiwo….aka Baba Tee….
(C’mon clap joor e easy?)

One of ma corper friends too
conc.. Yoruba boy…based in ilorin
With a loud,and agbero sounding voice
First in a family of 9….
And in his words
“Steeeevo” he had a way of stretching ma name and ending it abruptly…

“Ma papa n mama don wash hand comot for ma side,as I dy now na only me dey help maself…. make dis money do come mk I dey okay..I don tire for dis garri and fish”

Indeed him don hear wiiiiin
He always trekked to his office which was
Seriously far from where we lived
Ate just once a day..cos of money
And had siblings always calling and texting
For money

“If dem pay now wetin u go first do” I always asked…

“Ah!!! Steeeevo, I go first go dat chicken republic go buy rice,chicken and better big chivita den sidon near d ac..make e dey cool ma head as I dey chop”

“Den go sky pavillion go order one big udeme tak am cool ma sef down”

I always laughed weneva I heard his plans..
“Baba tee” I would hail

“Steeeeevo nwanne” which meant broda he would reply me as dat was d only ibo word he had learnt from me so far..

“What if dem pay every dem no pay u nko” I jokingly asked sometimes…
“Ah!!! ..me?…for dis town?…Na die be dat I go scatter everywia…I go appear for PM news be dat “Angry corper scatters abeokuta” go be d headline of the newspaper. “

And guess what?….
U see d devil eh….
Dat guy like wahala I swear.
he wanted to help doz pm news pple
And give dem headline news
Cos
Wen d money came,
Everyone got sms of credit alert
Except me and baba tee….

GHEN GHEN shey?
Dis like d right part where action should come in…

Everybody was happy
Not me and baba tee mein,
No atom of laughter on our faces mein
For what na?
Unfortunately too D credit alert came in @night…
So sleep was not possible…
And even wen I did
I had a nightmare…

Every corper I knew
Was in skypavillion
Dancing and drinking some seriously cold looking bottles of udeme
Dat wia bigger than normal.
Everyone was happy
While I and baba tee were outside the venue
Watching them enjoy themselves,
Drinking our garri and fish
While shouting “help the corpers!!!” As people passed by us

Ahhhhh!!!! I screamed and woke up.
I noticed baba tee was awake too
“Bad dream shey?” He asked
I nodded
“Me sef steeeevo I no fit sleep”

we stayed awake till morning
8 sharp we dey d bank
D person to attend to corpers
Came in by 10:30am

We were few dat had d nonpayment issues sha…
And d woman attending to us,
She was so damn rude
Kai!!!
She jst shoved us away
Told us to go back to our secreteriat and verify why we did not get our money….
Baba T was furious
But he somehow calmed down
And we processed slowly to the nysc secreteriate which was a stone throw away

Got there
We were kept waiting again for some hrs
And finally
For babatee,me and 2 oda guys
Our problem was different
Our names had been sent for payment
So the wahala was from the bank…
“Steeeeevo dis people dem wnt mak I kill person”
“Cool down baba tee”
I said

The system works dis way
Nysc sends your money to zenith bank
And den zenith sends to whatever bank u are supposed to be payed under.
in our case, sterling bank…

We marched off got to zenith
And hmmmm!!! my people
Zenith gave us a printed document,
To prove dat our money had been sent to sterling bank….
I could not control baba tee at this point…
He was fuming
“This sterling people no want mak I enjoy afta I don suffer like dis? Dem dey mad” he said..

And na here the film start….

As we entered the electronic bank door of sterling bank,
And the other side opened,
Na em d shouting start….

“Hoekay!!!!!!”(as yoruba boy na)
“So dis is it eh?”
“Starlin bank!!!”
(dats hw he pronounced it)
“Dis is how u treat customers ni…
My own money!!!!
My money!!!!!
U don’t want to give me eh!!!!
Y?!!!!
What did I do!!!! Tóri olorun …..
Kini month se fu e!!!…..
Y?”

The bank people were confused
And dat rude lady attending to corpers,
Wanted to come and calm him down
“Young man I tot I said u should check ur secreteriate”
“Ahh!!! Look at it….(Still wit d yoruba accent)

“See it here, my money is in this bank “ he dropped the document from zenith on her table,
After readin it,
D woman was obviously confused too and she quieted down…
But baba T relax?
With the threat of continual garri and imaginative fish Looming over him?
No way…

“Plis I beg u” he knelt down in d banking hall
“Plis gimme my money…ejo!!!”
“Please sir am beggin” she said “relax we will solve ur problem just give us till tomorrow”

“Please ma I beg u more” he said even louder
“Plis starlin bank”.. He stood up looked around and said…. “I want my money today”

The woman den wanted to employ her rudeness again by raising her voice and baba T too started his own
“I say today!!!! E wee not pass today!!!, no!! U want to shout @ me…for my money again, do u know how I have suffered..how I have trekked…God forbid” he looked at me

“Steeeevo I say what?”
“God forbid”
I replied…

By now the noise had become too much,
Everybody beggin baba T no wan hear
He even succeeded in intimidating the security man,who wanted to cool him down
At last
The manager signalled for us to come upstairs
God!!!
Dat woman was persuasive
Cos somehow
Somehow
She begged,cajoled and made Baba T accept d tomorrow offer
“See dat office” she pointed to us while holding baba T close “see dem on d computer,dats what dey are working on…just relax,drop ur no’s…u’ll get an sms tonight wit ur money in it…just write ur no’s specially for me here”
The office she pointed looked like they were doing sumthing there and baba T kinda relaxed
and we wrote our no’s.

“Tonight o” baba T said
“Tonight unfailingly” she said
“Steeeeevo make we move” and we left with the promise in hand….

Bank people,
Dem can like wahala,
We went home,borrowed money,ate beans and bread with big coke
Unto say money dey come…
Slept
Woke up
And there was an sms on baba T’s fone
Wen he looked at it he smiled
Then opened it

PLEASE CALL ME

From his younger brother…

Choi!!!!
The smile vanished
We bathed sharply
Headed out furiously like say we dey go war…
Got to the bank…
As d door open again….
Baba T shouted

“So dat is wat u do here….deceive customers” as he was shouting we were headed to the managers office straight.

“collect phone numbers,tell we will see money…and instead we see pls call me”
“Starlin bank o….want to eat ma sweat…God forbid!!!! Steeeevo I say what?”
“God forbid”
I chorused too….

Gboa!!!!
We entered the office
She saw us and knew what was up
“Corper relax I can explain”
“No o madam…madam!!!…madam!!!…me I dinot come here for explain”

He stretched his hand out “owo mi da” he said…
“Pls corper relax….u will get ur money”
“No o dt is what u said yesterday…dat is what u said ni shey steeeevo?”

“Yes dat is what she said”

“Hoekay!!!! Now no money…nd d only sms ti mo ri ninu phone mi is please call me…pls madam my money now now now no tomorrow now”

She was confused… if u see baba T u will knw dis was a person dat could not be begged anymore.me just dey happy say na double cause e dey fight..

There was another staff in the managers office
A lady
She was looking at us one kind
No time baba T entered her
“Y u lookin us like dat…is it ur money?…don’t u get ur salary?…u are now eyeing us…do u know how I’m surviving?, wia u der wen I was trekking…all dis while ti mi mu garri ati fish…wia u der?…no!!! what is it..I shld nt collect my money?.”

I broke in and calmed him down
The manager left the office
Went to the adjacent office
Talked to dem…
Came back…gave us a paper..and told us to take it downstairs to the counter…
We did,
They looked at it,
And counted our money for us and gave it to us….
As baba T collected his,an instant smile spread over his face
“Ya happy now?” d cashier asked
“No I’m not,I will wait for u” he replied and hissed
“Steeeeevo!!!” He smiled and looked at me… “Make we roll”
We had almost entered d door to go out
When he turned,looked at them and shouted

“And I will still come back here in June if u like do dis nansense again…u wee see more wahala…nansense!!!!”
“Nonsense”
I shouted too….

We stepped out,
Went to sweet sensation
Bought and ate d rice and chicken and chivita
Near d a.c
Entered sky pavillion
Ordered big cold bottles of udeme
And as he drank it
Baba T shouted
“Steeeeevo money is Good,
Food is good”

I learnt from dis experience that…

1. Sometimes,just sometimes some force and stubborness. Is necessary to get what you want…

2. Only God can promise u and keep it….forget humans or banks

3. FOOD IS GOOD
Cos baba T was a totally different person afta his food and udeme mein….

 

Ps: baba t…just incase u read dis…no vex mein..I could not pass of d oppurtunity to tell dis gist …u fought for my rights mein…LMAO

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Uncle Stephen
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55 thoughts on “BABA TEE

  1. U good bro, keep it up. I still wish to see u on a big stage somday doin wat u knw hw to do best. I knw u cn beat basket mouth n Bovi to d game. Ur father!!!!!!!

  2. Ds s soooooooo hilarious,m surprised m composed enuf to leave a comment…..ahhh,abeg dnt kill somebody wit lafta ooo…totally agree wit d dude who says u wud give b.mouth n bovi a run for their money…en fraincais,tu est tres tres comical!!!

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